Your partner can’t satisfy you in bed and you’re waiting for him to solve ‘his’ problem? Not very fair is it, after all, aren’t you meant to be a team?
It may be that your partner is having some problems achieving or maintaining an erection which is leading to frustration in your intimate relationship but it is so important that you approach this issue together and that you show solidarity when working out an approach to the problem. After all, it will ultimately benefit both of you.
It is firstly important that you appreciate the effect that sexual dysfunction may have on the confidence and masculinity of your partner and the long term effects on his mental health that may ensue.
Secondly, it is important to recognise that it does not automatically signal the end of your sex life for good. There is hope and most cases of erectile dysfunction are eminently treatable.
Lastly, consider it as a valuable lesson in how to approach problems as a team and remember how overcoming obstacles in a relationship can result in that relationship becoming stronger than before.
It is vital that you realise that you are not alone in that according to the NHS, as many as 50% of men over the age of 40 are going to suffer at some point of their lives with an inability to achieve or maintain an erection. If you take the approach that it is ‘our’ problem then your partner is less likely to feel isolated and stressed and will appreciate your understanding and support at what, for many men, is a time that is challenging for their own self-worth.
Having the internet at our fingertips makes self-education about any subject very simple and it means that, to begin with at least, face to face conversations with health professionals can be avoided; many men are embarrassed about discussing intimate issues with other people.
Encourage your partner to consult his GP. It is important to remember that if he is embarrassed, the GP has heard it all before and he is there to help.
He will be able to ascertain if there are any physical issues that are causing or contributing to your problem and prescribe appropriately. If there are any psychological and or emotional issues to address, these can be treated either with medication or counselling. It may be that he suggests ‘couples counselling’ by a sex therapist
You may pride yourselves on having an open and honest relationship whereby you can and do discuss anything and everything. Take a step back and look at how you are treating this issue. You would be amazed how otherwise open and communicative people clam up when it comes to issues in the bedroom. It is important that if one of you is suffering ‘performance’ issues that you discuss this with your partner because they may be quietly suffering thinking that you don’t find them attractive any more or even worse, that you’re having an affair. Instead of this, if you can communicate, it will prevent this sort of scenario whilst at the same time allow a two-way form of communication to discuss ideas and possible solutions.
Do you remember the early days when being together was ‘fun’? You enjoyed each other's company and laughed a lot. This ‘joy’ can be discarded along the way and before you know it, life is mundane and dreary. Make a point of bringing the fun back, do regular date nights, take up a hobby together. In the bedroom, continue being intimate together but do not make the climax the ultimate goal, the goals should be pleasure and fun. Enjoy each other!
On a more serious note, as we get older, many physical activities that we took for granted in our youth become more difficult or even impossible. The way to reverse this (to some extent) is to stay or become healthy. The obvious areas to address are to stop smoking, lose weight and do more exercise as well as looking at your diet and making changes where necessary. The knock-on effects of becoming healthy is a newfound vitality that may just make its way into the bedroom!
Last but not least, persevere. Many problems evolve over a period of time and so we cannot expect them to be solved overnight. It may take a combination of different approaches to solve erectile dysfunction problems but in the vast majority of cases there are solutions to be found and in the long run, it is a journey that you will have taken together making the destination that much more exciting.
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